So, there's this song by Kevin Drew, of Broken Social Scene, called TBTF, or, "Too Beautiful To F&#%". I must admit, I don't really know much of the lyrics 'cept for the chorus, and I for sure don't know what it's about, except that I heard through the grape vine that Kevin wrote it for Sarah McLachlan, which I think is pretty sweet if it's true, at least from my perspective...
Anyway, I was listening to that song recently, and of course, I started to think about what it means for someone to be too beautiful to... you know. Now we all know that to fornicate under command of the king is quite a crude way to say 'have sex' or 'make love', right? I certainly hope all of my blog followers don't use the term too liberally. And in this song, it is quite safe to say that Mr. Drew is not using the verb in it's other form, like "to screw over" or "mess with" or whatever.
So right off the bat, I am thinking about sexual attraction instead of beauty when I think of the F-bomb, you with me? So naturally, I then looked up some pictures of Sarah, wondering what exactly she looks like, since it has been a while since I've even thought of her at all. Classy. Of course these are good pictures of her. There's a good chance that there are lots of pictures out there of her in low rise jeans and a strapless unflattering tube top.
When I put it all together, I have decided that there are three factors, in my opinion, that determine whether a woman is beautiful or not. "not", in this case, can mean "sexy". In descending order of obviousness...
1) Physical Attributes: Not to be confused with big chest and small waist, this factor is all about the face. Sad to say that some people out there are just naturally better looking than others, and in this case (my case), eyes, nose, cheek bones, lips, hair, and all of their corresponding sizes, locations and symmetry, are a crucial part of being beautiful. Personally? Eyes and hair are high on my list, and honestly (hopefully a confidence boost for some), a slightly bigger nose is very much a plus. Pour example, Jennifer Grey BEFORE she decided to change hers. Of course this first factor entirely depends on the third one...
2) Clothing/manner of dress: There is no way to confuse this one. The clothes are only less important than physical attributes in that they are chosen completely by choice. Even then, it's a toss up. Lets get tramp stamps and multi-coloured hair out of the way early here (you heard me). Personally, and I shouldn't have to say this is all just my opinion, I prefer as few unnatural touches as possible. Tans, piercings, tattoos, and unreasonable hair colour all kind of seem to call for attention to me, not that that is always or even ever the reason they are done. Again, my opinion, I don't want anyone to hate me after reading this. I will have a point to all this by the way, at the end of the entry. As for clothing, I am a freak I guess, cause for me, the modester (made it up, and no, it doesn't say "molester") the better. Now, of course if I see something sexy, I will be sexually attracted to it, that's the whole point, but notice how I used the word "it". I don't want to be attracted to strange girls' behinds, it's something I'd rather not have to deal with all the time, but have to anyways. Again, I represent a small, but hopefully influential percentage of the planet's men. What I mean by the modester the better, is not ten baggy layers of snow pants, but well fitting clothes, that cover all of the "Hands off" areas, especially the midriff, and leave lots to the imagination. For me, a girl who knows how to "put it on" rather than "take it off" is hot stuff. Crazy amounts of make-up, hair products and other super model trends say to me "fragile" and "keep your distance". Moderation. I could keep going, but I won't. I'm sure any girls reading this are ready to strangle me and say, "You don't know what it's like!!!" And to them, I say, thanks for trying and keep fighting the good fight! And again, this is all dependent on what's next...
3) Personality: This one can mean, confidence, attitude, aura, whatever you call the sense other people get about you from nothing but your presence in the room. Confidence in your looks can be distancing, but confidence in who you are is extremely attractive. What I mean is, you're not flaunting everything or boasting about how awesome you look, you're just alright with how you look and even more so with who you are, whether you have some flaws or you are Rebecca Black. You're friendly and ready for anything. This is truly attractive.
So who is too beautiful to f#$%? Asking me? Someone out of my league, with an above average sized nose, a little bit of a strut, and a smile that breaks hearts. Like I said, anybody can wear skin tight Lululemon sweat pants and stick out some cleavage, but the ones worth a double or triple take, are often bundled up walking down the road in January when it's -15 (a reason I love winter), wearing board shorts at the beach, hiding behind low bangs and thick frames, and wear scarves, stockings and/or sneakers. I mean, I have fallen head over heals in love with a complete stranger I see at the other end of the hallway for only a few fleeting moments based on these things. And of course I'm not saying these are the only people TBTF, just defining it in it's most pure form based on my tastes. You probably shouldn't even listen to anything I say. I've been single for a long time now...
