Weezer

Sigh... I was just about to fall asleep, and then "the world has turned and left me here" by Weezer comes on. There is something about most of the songs in the Blue album that I will never be able to describe. Possibly it has something to do with how young I was when I first heard the songs. My brother would be listening to the album in his room, and I don't have vivid memories where I hear it clearly or anything, but I had songs like "Buddy Holly" stuck in my head while I was walking to school in elementary. I didn't know all the words, but it was stuck there.

I really only started listening to them in late Jr. High and High School. I probably only had three albums total, of any bands, by the time I got the Blue and Green albums one Christmas. I don't even remember falling in love with them. It's like it was automatic.

Weezer shaped how I would appreciate music for the rest of my life. Listening to the radio or borrowing other peoples' CDs, I would subconsciously compare and contrast the bands with Weezer, to see what was similar, what was different... they were the rock that my musical taste stood on, solely and completely. The first songs I would truly learn well on the guitar, were Weezer songs. I even went through phases where I would search avidly through the cesspool that is the internet, looking for rare songs, b-sides, covers, cover bands, and alternate takes. Anything that Weezer did I had to find and listen too. A lot of it was junk, I didn't just love everything they spewed out, but every once in a while, there would be some gem hidden away somewhere, and I knew in those times, that I was one of the few who would enjoy this song. To this day, I have something like 30 Weezer related CDs, albums, EPs, singles, and cover albums, probably two or three hundred songs, in my collection. I was a diehard fan, and I had never seen them live.

All of this occurred while I had three of the first four full Weezer albums. Blue, Green, and Maladroit. Then, sometime in high school, all I know for sure is that it was on Vancouver Island, I finally purchased Pinkerton. I don't think I had really heard a Pinkerton song until I borrowed it one day from another fan and friend. I listened to it straight through once, but that was all I could borrow it for. I don't remember anything specific, but I do know that I liked it. Nothing crazy, but I liked it. Now I owned it, and was listening to it in the car on the way back from the record store. At first it was too much for me. He swore a bunch (I still had virgin ears), yelled, screamed even, and the music was crazy. The first few times I heard Butterfly, I didn't know what to think at all.

There could not have been a better time in my life for me to first have this album.

I was right in the middle of probably the worst years of my life, where my teenage problems and angst seemed to fit perfectly with every song on the album. It slowly but surely grabbed hold of me, and grew roots deep inside. As I learned more and more about music and my tastes, and how to play guitar myself, Pinkerton was a virus that infected all of these aspects of my mind from within me. Even now, I couldn't actually tell you if it is a good album or not. It no longer matters to me whether the world looks at it as a classic rock album, or a failure, or a founder of modern punk rock, or a loser's lament.

It is Pinkerton, and it will always be Pinkerton to me, that is all it is.

Grade twelve, Cowichan Highschool, Duncan, BC. Second semester, during my spare, I went to a CD store the day Make Believe came out, purchased it, brought it back to school, and listened straight through once, very soberly. I had already heard "Beverly Hills", and was a bit worried. I have never been a huge fan of the Green album, but still enjoy it once in a while, but I was really hoping the new album wouldn't be another Green album.

As the last song played through, my heart had already sunk somewhere down below my stomach. On it's own, I am going to say that Make Believe is an OK album by a pop rock band, but coming from my longtime favorite band, Weezer, I was absolutely devastated. It wasn't like my world fell apart, but everything changed as I tried my best to listen to this traitorous album. I no longer trusted them. Years of waiting in anticipation, and what I received from them felt like nothing less than betrayal.

Years again went by. Our relationship, mended but frail. We were in love again, but it could never again be what it was before. A new album is on the horizon. Again, a new single out on the radio slightly before the release. Disappointment again. A second single before the album release. This song, was so awful. I was working that day, and I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the song. I stood still through the whole thing. Even now it is my absolute least favorite of my 200 plus Weezer songs. Since then worse songs have come out, but this was the first. This was the absolute and complete shift in paradigms of Rivers Cuomo. He had lost his mind as far as I was concerned. Make Believe was a mistake to me, but he was bound to come back to his roots sooner or later...he couldn't be serious. But now, with the release of "Troublemaker" and the Red album, complete with Rivers dressed like a cowboy on the front cover, well, he might as well have drove a butcher's knife straight in my chest...He destroyed everything he had built up inside me for ten years, maybe even further back than that. It was over... except... it's never over it seems.

I've actually bought two albums since then, the next two albums after. I believe this was because even though we were finished, and I knew it would never again work out between us, we wouldn't keep in touch or be friends ever, despite all of this, I was still in love. Like an ex-girlfriend, I was always curious as to what they were up to, and always had to be sure that they hadn't gone back to their wonderful old ways that I fell in love with all those years ago. They haven't, and it's time I came to terms that they never will.

We fell in love with the Blue album,

Went through hard times, but because of it, could see straight into each other's heart with Pinkerton,

Grew distant with the Green album, but came back again with Maladroit, though not completely,

The love started to fade with Make Believe, and was ultimately crushed with each succeeding album.

It's over, but I can never forget what we once had. We saw each other for the first time, only after the love was gone. Live in Vancouver, I am glad I went, but though my low expectations were met, they were not exceeded in the least. It was a fun little look into the past, but the entire show, we couldn't forget where we are now. It's over.

The light at the end of the tunnel for me, is this new tour in which Weezer promises to play the Blue album and Pinkerton, two nights in a row, each album, completely. One a night. I am considering going. I am calling it their farewell tour. Whether I go or not, It will be the end of our shattered relationship once and for all. We'll always have the 90s...

To be a true Weezer fan, to be in love with Pinkerton, and Blue, is to live with a hole in your heart. A piece missing forever. Goodbye, my love. Thanks for the memories. I have no regrets.