Friday, February 11, 2011

Newfound Hope?

I do not like to talk about my problems. Maybe those of you who know me disagree, and think that I complain a lot. I'm going to disagree with your disagreement. Maybe that used to be me, but I've come a short way over the years. When I am struggling with something, I will do my best to make sure people don't know about it. I am beginning to see that this can be a good thing at times, and a bad thing the rest of the time. So, I've decided to blog about a few issues instead of talking.

I have been in the construction biz on and off since I graduated now. Something like five years. If you would have told me that this would be my future five years ago, I would have laughed in your face. I don't regret much about the decisions that made this construction reality my life. I am not embarrassed that I work with my hands and don't wear a tie to work every day, and most of the time my work is actually somewhat enjoyable, though it can definitely become stressful easily enough.

No, the problem I have with where I am at, is that there is very little fulfillment in what I do. At least to me. Don't get me wrong though, the ability to help people I care about with quite a number of different skills I have acquired over these years is great, and it does feel great to help people, but where I'm at, my job itself doesn't allow me to help people who need it. Whether it is the pool side or the renovation side of my current occupation, in either case, I am simply improving a very well-off person's home in some way that would financially make you cringe. These people don't need help from me, they just want a very fine product that I happen to be selling. They could buy it from someone else if they had to, and probably quite easily. You're probably wondering where I'm going here.

I have just been given the option of staying on for at least four more years, during which time I would go to school for 2 months a year, NAIT I think, as a means to receive a plumbers ticket in the end.

So, do I do it? I'll be 28 by the time I am a licensed plumber, and would feel obliged to stay with the company that got me there for several years after that. I was actually considering this until I had thought and prayed about it for a few days. I don't want to be a plumber, and I don't want to do this job any more than I have to. Recently I made a very large error at work that cost my boss money, and cost me a lot of time. Then I went and saw Fight Club last night, which solidified my hunter-gatherer instincts once again, telling myself that I don't need a degree to be a man (not that I'll never get one necessarily). Money would be great, but I'm not too worried about it until I either have kids, or turn 70, whichever comes first.

So my question to you, the viewer, is... What on Earth should I do next? I haven't had a plan for a while now, and it's really starting to scare me. My hope is that in a few years I will look back on this entry and snicker a little bit, and my nightmare is that in a few years I will look back on this entry and sigh because everything might be exactly the same as now.

2 comments:

Brett said...

What I can tell you is that I have a wife, 2 kids, and live in a foreign country with the help of other people's money and these questions you are asking yourself I have been asking myself for a long time now. Sometimes I get answers, sometimes not.

Only recently has there been a glimpse of some sort of resemblance of a future here. Other than that, it has been tough for me. I've been a student for 5 years now and my Chinese is still 'intermediate' at best.

I would suggest that you keep at your job as long as your boss will allow, being honest with him (seems like a cool guy) that you are still figuring things out. I think that one obvious question is "what do you want to do?" You don't want to be a plumber. Do you want to be a carpenter? Electrician? Seems like you are half way to being one of those, if you want.

Can you think of something you'd like to do outside of what you're currently doing? I guess that is a good question.

What about building houses for people in New Orleans? Something along those lines.

Or, go to acting school;)

Or, move out here;))

kelseydawn said...

hey dude,
for whatever reason i seem to be making the rounds, commenting on people i don't know blogs lately. so... here goes.

last spring i left my life of relative normalcy in calgary and headed out on a wwoofing/biking trip. i wanted to farm and work with my hands and be outside and take a break from the corporately structured city life.

i ended up living and working on an co-op run community farm and it changed the way i will think of society and how we should all be living.

this community is not perfect of course but just getting a group of people with the same goals together creates time for creativity and having the need for money basically stripped from your consciousness creates space for new awareness of what life is really about. ( oh, and a lot of "what it's about" is food).

like i said, i don't know you, just throwing this out there because i kind of wish somebody had told me earlier about intentional communities and how it is possible to align yourself with what is right and good if you just seek it out in earnest.

here is a website i found with tons of information and locations of different communities, etc. http://www.ic.org/

contact me if you want through my blog. here is a website for my farm goldenearsfarm.com