One With The Universe

I have not been going to sleep at a reasonable time for a very long time now, and it's getting worse.

That is not to say, I have been having trouble sleeping, but rather, I just have no interest in doing it, subconsciously that is.  I dread the next morning.  I think I am most productive at night, which is sad, as I've always really wanted to be a morning person, and it just keeps on looking like it's not going to happen.

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I took this photo of myself one day years ago, because I couldn't stop smiling.  It may not look like a real, joyful bursting-out smile, but it was.  I had an incredibly spiritual day, and I figured a lot of stuff out in a few short amount of time.  Suddenly everything (everything at the time) made sense, and I am hoping a similar day is coming very soon.

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I am at a point in my life where change is finally going to come, but I only have a vague feeling of what it is going to be.  I have been working for the same wonderful employer for 4 years this next Christmas.  Why not say 3 and a half years you ask?  Because I am fairly confident that I will be quitting my job this winter, as in the pool business (the business I am in), that is the slow season, and I want to be as convenient to my wonderful boss as possible.

Another question you may have is, "Barry, if your boss is so wonderful, why are you quitting?"  My answer is, because I have to.  I have an opportunity to get my journeyman's plumbing ticket with this company, which promises something like $37/hour once I get it four years later, I currently get benefits, none of which I have used yet, and my boss respects me and so do my coworkers.  But even though all of this great stuff is happening right now with my work, that is all it really is.

If you don't know me, I'm turning 24 in July, and I've had construction related jobs since I was 19.  I'm a pretty smart guy, and could have and may still someday go to post-secondary, but when I graduated, I had no passion in any specific field, and certainly not enough interest in any career directions to justify the large debt I would have to go into to go to school.  Anyway, I know quite a bit about almost every part of home construction at this point in my life, and it would probably be a very safe direction for me to follow in this life.

But I have to say, personally, I get zero fulfillment from cleaning/repairing a rich person's pool, or installing a $30,000 kitchen (unless it's for friends or poor people of course).  If I keep doing this work, I will probably have an insane amount of regrets later in life.  For sure many, but probably an insane amount.  I love to travel, and I love to help people, and I love Jesus.  I'm not extremely good at any of those things (though I am getting better at traveling), but I know that I feel great about myself, my faith, and my life when I pursue them.

Of course you could then suggest that I stay in construction and work for some kind of charitable organization.  Great idea!  I'm sure that might come into play someday once again, but for now, I need to get out.  And it turns out I have recently had an epiphany.  A passion has erupted out of what always seemed like a simple waste of a couple hours once in a while.  The first time I have ever thought, "I could do that for the rest of my life and apply it to my faith at the same time."  I bet you can't wait to hear what it is, but I love going on like this.  But now I can't think of other ways to describe it without giving it away.  So, here it is.

Film making

Something finally clicked recently.  Actually I remember the day (not the date) it happened.  I have been going to the Edmonton International Film Festival for the past 3 years now, and I intend to continue going every year that I am around.  I recommend you all do the same.  I've seen 7 full length films in one day.  I had a pounding headache for probably the last three, and not a single full meal the entire day.  Just snacks, of which I regretted every one.  I would watch the films and think, "I would love to get into this" and that would be the end of my thoughts, because for whatever reason, I always believed there was no way I could possibly get into it.  Not that I didn't think I was good or creative enough, but just that I thought I am so unlucky in life, that it just wouldn't work, I would never get anywhere in such a high risk industry (unless my goal was to become a key grip in a comic book movie, cause that would probably be doable if I tried really hard).

So now we come to something like a month ago, and me, and a friend of mine, go out to see the new movie, "Source Code", and like I said earlier, this is when something changed.  I don't even recommend going out to see this movie.  Rent, yes.  Watch on tv, definitely.  Purchase, probably not.  Out of ten, I personally give it a weak seven.  What I'm trying to say is that the movie itself was not that terribly memorable, but throughout the whole thing, I kept finding myself thinking, "I could really do this if I wanted to" and then immediately following that thought, I would think, "I want to do this".

Perhaps it has a lot to do with my big brother getting into all of this ahead of me and proving that it is possible, at least preliminarily, to get into film making, and maybe make some good stuff.

So, trying not to get lost in my thoughts, I will close with some facts.  Whether I do or not, I really need to leave my current work very soon, or it might consume me and become all that I am.  And I am not a construction worker.  I think short-term, I will simply buy some basic equipment, like a camera, and more importantly and infinitely more difficult....ly, I will find the time to start making some short films, and writing some longer ones.  All I really need is to get Steven Spielberg to produce one idea, and I'll have made it!  I enjoy films, I understand quite a bit about them themselves, and how they are made, and I think I can put those two together into a career quite nicely.

So if you know me, or even if you don't, I simply ask that you keep me in your thoughts over the coming months and even this year, and if you know me personally,


please, keep me accountable to my dreams.  Passion is new to me.